I seriously think I'm flipping out of my mind. Maybe it's the meds. I hate being bipolar. I really really hate it. But maybe that's not all that's going on inside of this mental tug-a-war.
Let's say you have three roads, completely different and it applies to everything. (Pretend I make sense) Ok so in my case we'll take life in general. One road I can stay a loser wo lives with my grandmother for the rest of her poor red-headed life. The other road I can just go get a better job and the third I can get an education. Well, I have the problem solved, I am going to school, starting in the fall and I think I want to teach little kids. (Just because I'm a redhead doesn't mean I'm not patient enough.) But then again there is so many things I want to do, just within school that it's like I'm going around in circles and then I'm back at the beginning wondering what the fuck happened and where I'm going to go. (And sound like an idiot, again) So then I decide on an art associates degree. Simple enough....hopefully. XDD
So anyone who has read this from the beginning (my journal period) should know my love life complexes. I jump back and forth like a lost puppy. It's annoying really, never knowing what you want or not being sure if someone likes you that way. What's really annoying is the triangles or the octagons where everyone gets fucked over. She loves him, but he loves this other chick who happens to be a lesbian who likes this other chick who is dating another chick but that chick loves some dude. Yea...complicated. The soap opera of my life. (someday I might write it out as a book... filled with emo-ness j/k)
Well, I'm back in that cycle. I have three roads and all are long distance. I have the childhood friend in england and the childhood friend in pennsylvania. My friend in england is my first love and I will never lose feelings there. The other is a friends ex... which is the worst love interest possible. He wasn't interested in me until his current girlfriend cheated on him in the army with got knows how many people.
Here's the complicated one, the octagon. Ok, so this girl, for some reason is known all over the internet or something. Anyway, she has four love interests, myself included (I think). She gets pissed the fuck off at me because she hears some story about me cheating on her. If we were dating then yes, that would be a problem. But guess what, we're not dating! Not! You're too fucking busy being lovey with other people and don't take the time to even notice me. I'm sorry I'm like plain or something. I say I love you, you either say nothing or say "Yay, I'm loved." It's like, yay, just dig the knife deeper please. You call other people but you wont call me. Then you have the guts to say that I never showed or returned your love. Where was the love you showed me? No where. You showed me sympathy.... but you never showed me love. I tried dammnit...and I'm so fucking done with this shit. You have played me for a fool like most have. (If only I was strong enough to really say these things sometimes)
I've stopped IMing you, you never have Imed me and then you go and complain to people. Jared asked me if I was mad at you and I said no. We'll I guess I'm not mad, I'm not pissed off, just hurt. Another person has broken me on the inside. How many times in my life do I have to do this?
Yea so on a funnier not, my tie and socks have apparently been murdered.
PurplexHarlequin (10:48:39 PM): haha you ahve to be alucard))
PurplexHarlequin (10:48:46 PM): or ortega, you can pick))
xxgviruskissesxx (10:48:40 PM): crap)
PurplexHarlequin (10:49:11 PM): harhar))PurplexHarlequin
(10:49:17 PM): your tie is also dead))
xxgviruskissesxx (10:49:15 PM): NUUU not my tie! -wails-))
PurplexHarlequin (10:49:48 PM): lol aaaand!! your socks as well))
xxgviruskissesxx (10:49:40 PM): you ho))
Yea, so that was a long post... o.O I haven't made a post this long in a long time. lol